what do you do when something unexpected happens...?

This is what the sky looked like the last time I saw him.


I'm just doing what I do. When I get some freaking out issue, I write. And my own blog is a place to do it.





So this morning I got up, curled my hair a ran a band through it, put on a high-waisted dress and a regency-eraish (not authentic) cameo necklace. Went to school, told the girls I was some Jane Austen freak. Which is true.





Went to spanish, then did spanish homework in study hall. About halfway through the period (third period) changed to algebra homework. It was a bit before eleven, I'd estimate.





So I'm just sitting there doing Algebra.





Just after the strike of eleven, as the nurse put it, my grandfather died.





...And I didn't know! I just sat there doing algebra! So I went to lunch, went back up to study hall, kept doing algebra, then went to my honors class(es).





We discussed people in heaven in honors.





My mum had told us the night before that our grandfather was doing poorly. Like really poorly. But she and my dad had been telling us that for years.





I kinda let it slide. My mum and dad had told me a few months ago that he'd live another year.





And I so wanted that to be true, I just believed it.





But I got out of honors, my mum was waiting in the parking lot. I was a bit surprised; because there were other kids waiting too. Usually our honors class is the last to let out it seems.





Basically I walked around the car and threw my backpack in the back (it's really heavy) and pulled out the algebra I wanted to work on the way home.





I got into the front, started writing little numbers on the paper.





My mum said "We lost grandpa this morning." And I was like "WHAT?"





Inwardly I asked, "Oh God, why did you do this?"





Told myself I wouldn't cry. Slapped sunglasses on my face so I could.





God had a reason.





I know he had a reason. But it hurts. 'Specially cuz I was silently praying for grandpa there in honors this afternoon. After he had gone.





I keep thinking, "what if I had prayed earlier?" But y'know, God had his reason... and he'll be seeing my grandmother now (when she passed away several years ago I was like in straight shock about it for six months. Then it came out. When my mum had someone over, no less.)





But I, right now, can't even think about Pomerainians without crying. My grandfather had one, and he loved that little pup. Spoiled it rotten. It's going to be up there yapping, wondering why, oh, why, she can't find him. Why she can't find her human grammpie. Why he isn't giving her little treats.





My dad's flying up tomorrow to help my aunt with stuff. They'll have to manage stocks, wills, all three houses he owns, and the farm (make that four houses i think then), and the pomerainian. Poor Pippy. She'll be distraught, I know it.



But God has a plan. He always has, and he always will.

~c